


Death and Taxes

by JazTheBard



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: (implied anyway) - Freeform, Crack, Gen, Humor, Kidnap Dads, Tax Fraud, Taxes, Tolkien Crack Week, post-third kinslaying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:15:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25829539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JazTheBard/pseuds/JazTheBard
Summary: It's tax season in Beleriand, and an accountant has made an important discovery that needs to be shared with High King Gil-Galad.250 word snippet for Tolkien Crack Week!
Comments: 35
Kudos: 151
Collections: Tolkien Crack Week 2020





	Death and Taxes

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by the silm discord conversation on elf taxes and elf tax fraud

It was once again tax season in Beleriand, and Gil-Galad was dreading it.

Not because he had to do his taxes -- what was the point of being High King if he didn't have accountants for that -- but because of the Sons of Fëanor, the same reason he dreaded anything these days. According to the accountants, the Fëanorians had always paid their taxes on time, though when Caranthir had been alive those taxes had been practically nothing.

(No one had yet been able to prove his tax fraud, though they all knew he had been committing it to spite High King Turgon.)

Even after the kinslaying at Menegroth, they had paid their taxes, though they listed the Silmaril as a debt owed to them.

But now, after the kinslaying at the Havens, it was anyone's guess whether they would or not. Especially after they had murdered Elwing's sons, whom Gil-Galad had been unable to save.

An accountant ran up to Gil-Galad. "Your Majesty!" they cried. "You're going to want to see this!"

Apparently the Sons of Fëanor had paid their taxes, even after committing kinslaying again. At least he knew where their priorities lay.

The accountant showed him the documents, but they were incomprehensible to Gil-Galad. "What am I supposed to be looking at?"

"The list of dependents," said the accountant, pointing. "It answers a question, to say the least."

Gil-Galad looked.

The list was long, but the important part of it read:

> _ "Elrond Eärendilion _
> 
> _ Elros Eärendilion" _

Gil-Galad paused.

"They're  _ alive?! _ "

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it! please leave comments and kudos, and check me out on tumblr @jaz-the-bard :)
> 
> In light of recent events: I do not consent to my own original ideas that appear in my fics being used without permission or without credit. If you are able to pick up ideas from my fic then you are certainly able to ask me for permission, and if you are going to publish, credit is REQUIRED.
> 
> This includes names such as elenyafinwë, aþelairë, and almatáru, as well as a number of other details and ideas that appear in my works.
> 
> If you are going to use my ideas for fic that excludes LGBTQ+ characters, for reasons religious or other, I do not give you permission to use them, even with credit.


End file.
